a mexican fiesta

I really want to post something but I really don't have much to talk about. I hate just writing for the sake of writing something.

It's been cool this past week to see how the Lord has looked in what seems like little ways to me. I just noticed a different thought pattern in my head today. I struggle a lot with wanting to be recognized. On one hand, I get really nervous about being the center of attention but on the other hand, it always makes me feel really really good to be commended in public. Sometimes I feel like I am desiring that recognition a lot. I noticed some time this weekend that I was doing something and the thought was not in my head that I was going to recognized for it. It seems stupid but I know that it is of great significance. It was also cool in that to give total glory to God for working in my heart to take away that selfishness and pride. I know that it is nothing that I have done that has caused these changes to take place. I also know that these changes are occurring not so I can have a better life or whatever but so that God may be glorified and that people will come to know Him.

It is so easy when I am tired or stressed to fill up my life with silly things. They really are escapes. This can be movies, video games, or even sometimes books. I hate that and even while I am doing it I know that I am escaping and wasting my time but it also feels so good just to get away from reality. A lot of the time I regret my upbringing and circumstances that those things are even an option to me. I so long to live a simple and devoted life but there are so many stupid and insignificant distractions. However, I do know that I am who God made me to be and that I am in the place where He has me. He is using even silly distractions and those choices that I am making to purify me. I long to "throw off everything that hinders."

I don't feel right about this post for some reason. I long to be authentic, but there is a huge temptation to show off or use this as a chance to be recognized. I think that God can use this blogm for His glory, especially through my own weakness.

Here is a picture of my luchador friend, Nick

sweet child of mine

I was sitting in the pool today at Roark and was thinking about what my purpose is. All this was brought about because I was having a crappy day. There wasn't really any reason for it other than I had come off of two days of being off and was struggling with motivation. I pretty much felt like a bum most of the day. Anyways, I was sitting in the pool thinking about all of this. Who am I living for? Am I really seeking to do a good job for the glory of God or for my own? It feels like I'm doing it for my own sake many times. Than I started prayer "God, I want to serve you and do your wil not for my sake but that you may be glorified." But than I started thinking, "Is my hopeful end result of this that God is glorified or maybe that God is glorified and than things also work out for me." However, this is true because when we are glorifying the Lord we are doing what's best but it shouldn't be for our own sake. This probably doesn't make much sense. If only the thoughts in my head would come out in a coherent flow on the screen. I read a really cool quote once in Madame Bovary. It said "human speech is like a cracked pot on which we beat out rhythms for bears to dance to when we are striving to make music that will wring tears from the stars." I just think that is such a beautiful statement and I feel that so many times. It's like there's this deepness inside of you, this burning that you want to express but you just can't. I feel it sometimes when I hear a certain song or read a story. It's like something just gets stirred up inside of you. I think that those are the times when the eternity that God has created in our hearts becomes apparent.
It's been about a day and a half since I started this post and I totally lost my train of thought. My dad sent me some pictures of my niece.

Here's some more




I like her so much...it makes me really want to have kids of my own.
I saw Spider Man 3 last night at midnight. It was pretty lame. I think Nick and I are going to start a movie review blog. Spiderman 3 will be our first. I definitely felt the consequences of my actions today. I was tired and cranky all day. It was so cool to see how God used me even in my crankiness. Well thanks for reading and have an awesome day!

Eureka! I found some springs

Wow. I'm really on a roll with this whole blog thing. Three nights in a row and still going strong. Anyways, I went to Eureka Springs today with my now officially "one-year-of-dating" girlfriend (hopefully I'll be able to post some pictures tomorrow). I had a lot of interesting thoughts as I was in said location. First of all, I know that Eureka Springs is a very interesting and eclectic place. In fact, one of the ladies in this shop told us that last weekend was cross-dressing day and she also described the residents as being "open." My point is not at all to judge or condemn these people, however, the question I had was what does the Christian community in this area look like? Are there Christians reaching out to the residents of Eureka Springs, especially the homosexuals, the witches, the partyers, and any other group normally shunned by religious folk? Are most of the Christians in the area those who have grown up there and see their community as more of a war-zone, an us vs. them type mentality? The thought makes me sad because I imagine that this last sentence is the typical response. Why do people flock to places like Eureka Springs, San Francisco, Amsterdam? Maybe it's because they feel accepted, they feel loved no matter what. But what's the point? It's the blind leading the blind. Where should acceptance come from? I feel that as Christians we have failed in our responsibility to accept and love all people. Why do these people flee from the church? Probably because they feel more judgement and condemnation than they do love and acceptance. I know that I myself have been very guilty of this.

This brings me to my second thought process...
What the heck are we going to do about it? I feel like there are so many little pockets of "real" Christians out there in the midst of all this hypocrisy and blindness. When is it going to come together? I read magazines like Relevant and see ads and articles for all these really neat Christian ministries but it seems like as a whole the Church is failing to make God's kingdom a present reality. What is it going to take? Is the church on the verge of judgement? We like to proclaim death, destruction, fire and brimstone for the world but when you look at Biblical history, quite a bit of that was directed towards the Jews. Why? Because they failed many times over to glorify God and make Him known to the nations because they were so caught up in building their own little kingdoms.
So to get back to the original thought...I get so discouraged when I see all this darkness and than see myself and those around me failing to reach out. We are so caught up in our own little kingdoms, our own little pictures of what God and His work should be, that we fail to realize our vocation and calling as a church. I know that we cannot individually change the world, the church must unite. There really is going to have to be a revolution. The question is will this ever take place? And than, what can I do to join it?

Thank you for your time.

Yay for fun things

I just got a sweet idea. I have posted some books that I really enjoy or am currently reading. I thought it would be cool to hear other people's thoughts on these books. I also hope to publish thoughts on movies that I see and also hear others thoughts. Thanks!

A night like any other

I realized that my blog now looks very shabby with this one post. I have therefore decided to add another post...this one. What do you talk about in a blog? That is the question that I ask myself. I could share some thoughts on different events and whatnot that have happened today but than I feel bad about talking about others in such an odd and public way. I feel that I will have to be wise in my blogging and in the thoughts I share. I desire to express myself without bragging or showing off, to glorify God without being cheesy, and to portray an accurate picture of my life without sugar-coating or something else (another word has failed me but it seemed appropriate to add another modifier. I hate it when that happens.) I am thoroughly looking forward to this blogging experience. Thank you.

A little buzzed, but starting strong

So I had about three glasses of wine too much at my good friend Kate's house tonight. It was in that moment that I realized the need to create a blog of my own. This is an idea that I have toyed with many times in the past and have actually attempted at one time. However, I feel that the time is now right. I've definitely got a lot of thoughts to share so I hope the three of you that read this will enjoy it. Thank you.