If anyone reads this will you please pray for me. I am really struggling right now with a lot of doubts and just feeling down. Like I said in my last post, anxiety is such an easy emotion for me and there is definitely a lot going on right now to leave me feeling anxious. Sometimes I feel like there is so much I should be doing and yet, I have no desire to do it. However, when I do actually do the things that I need to do, I feel like I am doing it for my own sake than for the Lord.
God has been teaching me so much about trust lately. I thought that the main lesson was about trusting Him, but I've been beginning to see how much of these lessons are about trusting people, especially those that are in authority over me. It is so easy for my pride and arrogance to rise up. Sometimes I feel like I know what is best and that other people are stupid for not agreeing. That is dumb.
I do need to trust Him. My financial situation continues to be a burden. I feel like I am doing well and than I get hit with some huge expense like new tires or a new phone or whatever. I got this stupid bill from the army the other day and I don't even know what it's for. I can't get a hold of anyone who knows what it is about and if I don't start paying on it by the 12th, they will send it to a debt collection agency. If I didn't dislike the military already, I am definitely losing any sort of affection very quickly. My patriotic feelings died out long ago and this is definitely putting the nail in the coffin.
I hope that I have not depressed anyone. I know that the Lord is working and that I can trust Him. Sometimes it is so hard to see past my circumstances and narrow view on life. He is working in and through me. I am reminded of that constantly but it is such an easy lesson to forget. Thank you for reading this and please pray.
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2 comments:
well you know i'll be praying for you, little buddy. i know those feelings exactly, especially the ones about being pretty sure everyone else's ideas of how to do things are wrong -- i struggle with that form of pride every single day.
something god just keeps bringing up in my thoughts is that i can't ever really trust people, but i can trust his spirit in them and i can ultimately trust him with them. they may not be listening to the spirit, or even have his spirit in them, but he is still all over the situation, working it to his glory.
thanks for your encouraging note the other day -- you definitely are a gifted encourager :-)
i was boosted up by your good words.
i can't tell you how thankful i am for your friendship with nick.
thanks for being open and honest -- i'll be praying for you at the same time i pray for myself since it'll be the same prayer :-)
Hey bud - boo on the army. Remember how you kinda went across the planet for them? Debt collection agency? yikers.
I cannot wait to see you in a week. I'm cleaning out a bunk for you so we can stay up all night talking about what girls we like. I hope that will help you feel better.
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