It's been cool this past week to see how the Lord has looked in what seems like little ways to me. I just noticed a different thought pattern in my head today. I struggle a lot with wanting to be recognized. On one hand, I get really nervous about being the center of attention but on the other hand, it always makes me feel really really good to be commended in public. Sometimes I feel like I am desiring that recognition a lot. I noticed some time this weekend that I was doing something and the thought was not in my head that I was going to recognized for it. It seems stupid but I know that it is of great significance. It was also cool in that to give total glory to God for working in my heart to take away that selfishness and pride. I know that it is nothing that I have done that has caused these changes to take place. I also know that these changes are occurring not so I can have a better life or whatever but so that God may be glorified and that people will come to know Him.
It is so easy when I am tired or stressed to fill up my life with silly things. They really are escapes. This can be movies, video games, or even sometimes books. I hate that and even while I am doing it I know that I am escaping and wasting my time but it also feels so good just to get away from reality. A lot of the time I regret my upbringing and circumstances that those things are even an option to me. I so long to live a simple and devoted life but there are so many stupid and insignificant distractions. However, I do know that I am who God made me to be and that I am in the place where He has me. He is using even silly distractions and those choices that I am making to purify me. I long to "throw off everything that hinders."
I don't feel right about this post for some reason. I long to be authentic, but there is a huge temptation to show off or use this as a chance to be recognized. I think that God can use this blogm for His glory, especially through my own weakness.
Here is a picture of my luchador friend, Nick
3 comments:
that is one sweet luchador.
i like how your title is 'a mexican fiesta', but the only evidence of such fiesta is the bean and salsa splatter on nick's luchadorian body...
i also like how honest you are.
these struggles are some that i am very familiar with myself.
praise god that he doesn't leave us in these struggles. he's in them even now.
i read a psalm this morning about how the eyes of god are on those who fear him and how he delivers them from death and keeps them alive in famine. that made me think of how i'm in a famine right now -- i'm not eating the good food of the lord's presence, but he's keeping me alive even so.
Hey, thanks for the perspective... that's what i originally intended my blog for, authenticity... yet it's become sometimes a place for me to "show off" my spiritualality, or not show anything off at all!
re: the whole showing off your coolness thing -- you definately misspelled "blog" in the last paragraph. moral of the story: don't worry about it.
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